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Stephen King’s “Pill: A Sequel”

Posted by Failed Success on 03/08/06 at 09:35 PM

Ambien ZombieThe Rise of the Ambien Zombie.

Okay, maybe this possible sequel to his most recent novel “Cell” is not really in production. However, few can deny the possibilities a story like this could have under the guidance of Mr. King’s literary prowess. In King’s novel “Cell”, people all over the world are turned into mindless zombies from a “pulse” generated by the cell phones that they were using.

While some have been proclaiming cell phones as a dangerous evil for a long time, the real threat to the world has been lurking in the shadows all along. Real people in the real world becoming mindless zombies, with total loss of control and memory. Sleep driving, crashing cars, driving while urinating, endangering the entire world with their actions. They are the Ambien Zombies.

Ambien is the most popular prescription sleep aid in the United States, with more than 26 million Americans getting prescriptions for Ambien each year. In many states, Ambien is now among the 10 drugs most commonly detected in blood tests of impaired drivers. Some cops say it’s worse than booze because drivers keep going after their first crash. Ambien’s maker blames users who mix it with alcohol. Lawyers blame doctors who prescribe sleeping pills “like Pez.” Drivers say they have no memory of driving or even getting into their cars after taking the pills.

ZombieHundreds of cases have cropped up of people injuring themselves and others with this “pill-induced” sleep-driving. People take the drug in the evening to ensure a good nights sleep and wake up the next day discovering that they and other zombies have invaded towns and cities attacking with their vehicles and erratic behavior. Everything from urinating while driving, to tearing off their shirts and declaring themselves the Incredible Hulk has been reported. All of the “zombies” have no memory or recollection of any of the events.

Ambien Zombies also appear to have insatiable appetites. Doctors have discovered that these drug-induced demons of the night find themselves foraging for food in the night, having no recollection of their eating binges. One doctor stated “Patients sometimes end up clawing through their refrigerators and cabinets trying to satisfy an almost primitive urge to eat. They have no recollection of these events and usually awaken to find themselves covered in food.” How long before their appetites turn from tortilla chips, to brains and human flesh? How long until these ravenous wanderers of the night begin waking up and finding themselves surrounded by partially devoured bodies and a funny taste in their mouth?

Hopefully everyone reading this has had their zombie fighting and apocalypse survival courses. So that they may survive and thrive in the near future when the Ambien zombies inherit the earth.

Read more about Sleeping Pill induced “Sleep Driving” from the New York Times.

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  1. What terrible form.  King must still be sick.  I’d expected much more.  Excepting his “gore” passages the novel is usless.  Remindes me of grade school writing: “...and then I woke up.” King provides the cell, but the zombies have been done to death.  And a few vague speculations on computers running on batteries, etc., as well as the other speculative thoughts, as well as people floating in the air, belong back in grade school as well.

    What a terribly formed piece of excrement this is.

    Posted by rigger  on  04/05/09  at  09:14 PM